The Best Ever Book of Dutch Jokes: Lots and Lots of Jokes Specially Repurposed for You-Know-Who

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Wat is een dinosaurus als hij door de Keukenhof loopt? Een Tulpenstomper (What’s a dinosaur walking through the Keukenhof? A Tulip Crusher.) At business meetings or formal occasions, it’s normal to shake hands with everyone present when you arrive, and again when leaving. In personal settings with friends or family, the Dutch commonly greet each other by kissing three times on alternating cheeks. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, it’s good etiquette to shake hands and introduce yourself to everyone attending. There’s also a town in South Holland called Monster, which probably got its name from Latin. It may come from monasterium, meaning ‘monastery.’ IJsberen The Dutch are known to swear and call each other names. There are some bad words. But they like to mix it up, and make it a bit funnier. A typical example of being direct and saying what you want, that might be a bit offensive, but should not be taken like that. There’s also some untranslatable wordplay that requires explaining. Like yelling for a “white one” in a bar to get a beer. Or the double meaning of being “on one leg” for the king.

So get ready to scratch your head and then delight at the silliness of these Nederlander laughs. Pretty soon you’ll be as comfortable with Dutch jokes as cozy woolen klompen on your feet. This quirky brand of humor may be an acquired taste, but take a bite and these jokes will have you giggling like Hans Brinker plugging up the dikes with his finger! Koningsdag, or King’s Day, is one of the biggest national holidays in the Netherlands. Each year on 27 April, people dress head to toe in orange and participate in lively street parties, music concerts, and flea markets.My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue – completely pale, no arms.” – Phil Wang f**... under the bed sheets is no longer called a dutch oven. It's now called a covid test. If you can smell it you don't have covid. I’ve found countless examples of amusing expressions, insults and, vocabulary oftentimes with equally funny or interesting origins. I do love a bit of etymology so I’ve included some of them where known. Origin: The original version of the expression ‘Hijs is van de trap gevallen en heeft zijn haar gebroken’ (He feel down the stairs and broke this hair) was already in use in the 18th century. 9. Hand shoes

An important aspect of Dutch etiquette involves having good timekeeping habits. The Dutch tend to take punctuality very seriously, so make sure you arrive at appointments on time. If you’re running more than five minutes late, you should inform the people expecting you. In addition, Dutch people are known to schedule plans weeks or even months in advance. With that in mind, it’s best to avoid showing up at someone’s house unannounced. It’s particularly wise to avoid interrupting someone during dinner, which usually starts between 17:00 and 19:00. Conversation and communication in the Netherlands Hundred Years' War: Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman." Outside the Randstad, you may find that religion plays a more significant part in life than elsewhere. While most of the Netherlands is Protestant, southern and eastern regions are traditionally Catholic. For instance, you might celebrate Carnaval in February or March if you live in Limburg. On the other hand, in rural Protestant areas, shops might be closed and activities discouraged on Sundays. Tips on culture and etiquette in the Netherlands f**... under the covers is no longer called a Dutch oven... It's a free Covid test. If you can still smell or taste it, you're negative. They both slowly remove clogs. I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original. Thanks for the gold !

10. Clean mother

A little mean, a little funny, just a joke with a name. Though this one is quite crazy, as neither Aldies, nor Ghoet nor Koper are common names in Dutch. It is interesting how different nations have their dogs make different sounds. An American dog goes Woof, a Czech dog goes Haf, a Dutch dog goes Blaf. and a Chinese dog goes Sizzle