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Best Friend's Mom - The Devoted Mother

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It was the Summer of my 18 birthday. Sarah decided to through a party for me. I was up for it. After all she is my best friend. Her mother was going through a divorce and well Sarah was a bit down about it. She thought the party would take her mind off of it. Sarah decided on a pool party. It was set up for this weekend. My heart raced because secretly I liked her mom and seeing her in a bikini would be the highlight of the party. Well I rustled around for some cash. I worked overtime to get the right bikini I would wear. It was rainbow. Fitted my personality real well. After all being a lesbian I have to represent my colors. I was a bit shy though, all these hot women would surround me, but my eyes were on just one. It was Sarah's Mom Jenny. No one would like that idea so I kept pushing it away. She was 38 years old and her I was 18. Sarah was my best friend I couldn't hurt her feelings. I kept thinking about it. If something were to happen how would Sarah handle it? I pushed aside my thoughts for the time being as I paid for my suit and walked out. That's when I ran straight into Jenny. Mother. You are my voice of reason, storyteller, advice giver, hand holder, partner in crime [...] peacekeeper, cheerleader, twin, confidant, and my best friend."

I told my mom she was invading my personal space and she told me I came out of her personal space." Is being a best-friend parent good for children, or a form of childhood overindulgence? The Test of Four says parents may be overindulging if the answer to one or more of the following questions is “yes”: Williams argues that the mom-daughter BFF phenomenon couldn't have happened without an overall societal and marketing focus on youth—even as older moms are infinitely more common and acceptable, moms don't want to seem old. (A corollary for thought: Is it possible that moms having children a bit older has led to the phenomenon as well? Maybe with older parenting comes both maturity and appreciation, and a loosening of a certain kind of traditional expectations.) Maybe it's not weird to be best friends with your mom (even though some are dubious and see this as a reflection of family dysfunction or even "spawning to socialize"—ew). Certainly, it's different to be friends with your grown-up daughter than it is to say that your toddler is your BFF, and worry about what will happen when she finds pals her own age, as one woman Williams quotes wrote on Babble.com. No daughter and mother ever live apart, no matter what the distance between them."— Christie Watson Then there are people like Julie and Samantha, who seem to be friends because they have similar interests, because they spent time together and in doing so realized they have fun together. Maybe they're friends because, goodness gracious, they just like each other, barring the occasional dispute that comes from hanging out a lot. But that's kind of what friendship is about, no matter who the players are, no? As Williams writes, "By rejecting the traditional traps, she and Julie have sort of beat the system by waging a new form of rebellion, one that’s not between parent and child but rather forged between them, against some standardized definition of family life. They’ve created their own dynamic, whether others understand it or not."Is best-friend parenting done to benefit the parent more than the child? (Yes. They said they were parenting this way because they felt their own parents didn’t understand them. They want their children to accept them.) She's the exclamation mark in the happiest sentence that I could ever possibly write." — Michael Faudet On my first day of college, I met my now best friend. Standing in the hallway of our dorm on move-in day, I immediately felt a connection — not just to her, but to her mom, as well. They introduced themselves and something about them just made me feel so comfortable. She talked on the phone with her mom once a day. I noticed during those conversations there was mutual respect and love they had for each other. She called her mom every day because she trusted her.

Her hometown was only an hour away from school, and she often invited me home on weekends. Her mother was always excited to see us, and I always felt welcomed and accepted. I knew this would not be the case if I were to bring a friend home. She always asked about our classes and our hopes for the future. I remember thinking at the time that maybe I needed to put more effort in with my mother. I did long to have a relationship with my mom like the one my friend had. But I also recognized a lot of my feelings about my mom were negative. I wondered if being away at college would be a good thing for our relationship. Maybe things would change when I came home. They sit at the bar together, which makes Samantha, 19, feel grown-up (which she likes) and, presumably, Julie, 50, feel young, which she probably likes as well.Friendship as a method for adults to seem young and kids to seem grown-up; it's positively innovative. Williams points out that this "perfect relationship" is still not exactly common, a reality highlighted by the fact that Samantha and Julie's relationship still appears, if not entirely too good to be true, something so unusual as to be gawked at in an article. The more a daughter knows about the details of her mother's life — without flinching or whining — the stronger the daughter."— Anita Diamant You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray..." — Jimmie Davis, “You Are My Sunshine”

Think of the other "friend-moms" we see in the outside world: The "trying-too-hard" mom depicted by Amy Poehler in Mean Girls, the mom who wants to be one of the girls so bad it's just cringeworthy (and inappropriate). Or Gilmore Girls' Lorelai-and-Rory-Gilmore pairing of mom and daughter who seem to exist in a generally symbiotic über-reality. There's the mom, someone has one, someone likely to work in your very own office, whom that daughter speaks to daily, gets advice from, shops with, with whom she confides in every matter, things you can't imagine talking about with your own mom. Did these moms really fail to exist before now, or have they always been there, if not talked about in this way? Maybe some moms and daughters, like some family members, just get along better than others. Now as a busy mom myself, I think about her when I’m feeling maxed out and am tempted to tell my kids I don’t have time to do something they really want to do. Instead, I remember how she constantly said that her relationship with her kids was the most important thing to her and nothing else mattered half as much.They act like "pals," not mom-and-daughter: "Samantha refrained from the typical teenage indicators of mother-induced misery. No mortified slumping, no glassy stare, no snapping, no sighing, no episodic glaring, no thumbing out one cell-phone SOS after another," writes Williams. "And Julie? When Samantha spoke, Julie listened until her daughter had completed her thought. Which I assumed happened only in dreams and completely unrealistic movies." Ian Pierpoint of Synovate, a market research company, surveyed 1,000 parents who lived with children ages 12 to 30 and an additional 500 children in the same age range in the U.S., UK, and Canada. The survey found that: Even though Julie and Samantha assure Williams that they do fight, over typical teen/mom things like room-cleaning, Williams is amazed witnessing that rarest of things, a unicorn of familial relationships—"a fantasy come to life." She shares her own mom experience, in which certain things (discussions of sex, for example) are taboo, in which clothes belong purely to one person or the other, in which older generations are hopeless about the technologies of the new. Parenting was different then, Williams hypothesizes: Now, with shows like the new VH1 reality show Mama Drama, the parenting norm is BFF-dom. Is this good? Bad? True? What does it even mean?

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