You Will Find Your People: How to Finally Make the Friendships You Deserve

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A lot of the book is spent on ways to evaluate and recognize friendships that aren’t what you want them to be, and how that is okay and normal. Friendships are hard and valuable and, as Moore points out, a LOT a lot of popular culture portrays friendships in ways that are nonsensical when applied to actual humans, who are nuanced and complicated and never simply “good” or “villainous.” For probably over thirty years—since I was old enough to know I needed them—I’ve been looking for my people. I have never felt more validated and seen while reading this. Time and time again, I shook my iPad, thinking to myself “yes!! This is exactly what I’ve felt so many times.” The book has been praised by major entertainment names such as Judy Greer, Rachel Bloom and Abbi Jacobson. Have you been surprised to find out that high-profile figures — people most would assume must already have perfect friendship circles — connect so thoroughly with a book about making and nurturing adult friendships? The key to being friends with your exes is, without a single doubt in my mind: very clear boundaries and communication on both sides.

PDF / EPUB File Name: You_Will_Find_Your_People_-_Lane_Moore.pdf, You_Will_Find_Your_People_-_Lane_Moore.epubIt doesn’t matter if you do it for work or do it for play, but do what you like to do. Sports, hobbies, hiking alone, travel, reading, collecting cigars, whatever it is, do it. You don’t even have to be super passionate about it, but if you enjoy it, do it. As I got older, though, that didn’t turn out to be the case. It didn’t stop me from trying, though: I needed all these types of friends, because society told me I did, so I clung to the people I met who even remotely fit these descriptions like hard-won Girl Scout badges, no matter how unhealthy the dynamic was, as proof I could do it. I could be just like everyone else in this one way, since I couldn’t be like everyone else who had perfect families. (Please see my first book: How to Be Alone.) That was very much out of my hands. But friendships? I could do that. Contort myself to make a bunch of people like me and never leave? Can’t wait! There’s no way you could go wrong when that is your very upsetting view of friendship! For years I thought nothing was worth doing if I wasn’t Passionate-with-a-capital-P about it. But just enjoyment is enough. And spend the amount of time doing that thing that feel right to you. 2. Learn how to talk to strangers. If you’re still in love with someone or your ex is still in love with you, you both need distance before you can be friends. So give each other the space to move on, even though you’ll miss them while they do. From Lane Moore, the critically acclaimed author of How to Be Alon e, comes a searingly intimate yet wildly funny exploration of the frustrating, messy, and, at times, deeply joyful experience of learning how to make meaningful friendships as an adult.

The kind of yearning I had wasn’t just for Elyse specifically but rather a cute form of self-flagellation in which I would tell myself that she was my soul mate and I blew it. She became my source of comparison for every romantic relationship I had: “Elyse never would’ve treated me this way.” She also became my source of comparison for every platonic friendship I had: “Elyse never would’ve treated me this way.”As an introvert, there were a few key takeaways from the book about putting myself out there and making an effort to build my village, but there weren't enough takeaways for me to recommend this book to others unless they fall into that small group I think would benefit from this group. If it’s a group that meets in real life, volunteer your home for a meeting or offer to help out at an event; if it’s one person, invite him or her out to partake in the interest you share. You may feel awkward, but that’s okay. Awkward just means you’re stretching yourself. 5. Be honest and present. Part memoir, part self-help, You Will Find Your People uncovers the complex, frightening, and often vulnerable process of building real, healthy friendships and finally creating your chosen family. Moore takes listeners on a journey that examines and challenges the ideas of friendship we’ve seen in pop culture, answers every question you’ve ever had about friend breakups, and teaches us how to fearlessly ask for what we want in friendships once and for all.

Within this compassionately told memoir, Moore offers hard-won advice for those looking to get beyond a painful past.” — Publishers Weekly And even though I am a Christian, I felt like this book was beating you over the head with how Jesus is our example of community, how much God loves you, etc. If you want to write a book about why we need Jesus or the importance of biblical community/church then write that book. She could have had one chapter on the biblical model of community/friendship and moved on. It felt like she didn't have enough actual friendship content/suggestions so every chapter was a little bit of tips and LOTS of repetition about how much God wants us to live in community with others. Overall, I was unimpressed with this book and did not find much at all helpful to me personally. You do cite a few shows that accurately depict friends growing apart — Molly and Issa on “Insecure,” for example. Why do you think it’s so rare to get the realities of friendship right onscreen?From Lane Moore, the award-winning, critically acclaimed author of How to Be Alone, comes a searingly intimate, yet wildly funny, exploration of the frustrating, messy, and, at times, deeply joyful experience of learning how to make meaningful friendships as an adult. Find any research stats, talk to anyone, and you'll confirm the majority of us are lonely. Modern life after the industrial revolution destroyed communities and "villages" of common life — and the proximate friendships necessary to simply live life, raise families, and be the church. This is a handbook of sorts for creating friendship and community in the modern world—specifically geared toward followers of Jesus—but with many universal truths. Truths about the kinds of people we need, the people who need us, why this is crucial, and how ruthless we need to be to incorporate all kinds of people into everyday tasks, daily meals, boring errands, and intentional conversations. We have to log hours upon hours to build those relationships. Jennie combines academic research, personal experiences, and Scripture to build the case for why we need to fight for community, and then offers a number of practical tips and action steps at the end of each chapter so that we are not just left with these beautiful but abstract ideas. She both encourages and equips readers to pursue biblical community, challenging us to break the mold of independence that is so prevalent in our culture.

Once you’ve met people that you feel you want to connect to, practice being brave enough to be open about that with them. I have such a different lifestyle than Allen, who leads church groups and has a large social circle. Most of the book was not very helpful for me personally, but I will make an effort to look for more possible friends among people close by and to put in the 150 hours or whatever she said you needed to move towards close friendships with more people. All in all, I could have gotten that from a few sentences though instead of reading the whole book. Others will find it much more useful, I'm sure. Reach out to someone you only see in drinking situations to do something non-drinking during the day. Forthright and funny. Moore is a consummate truth-teller, [it’s] a brilliant book about friendship.”– Los Angeles TimesIn a world that’s both more connected and more isolating than ever before, we’re often tempted to do life alone, whether because we’re so busy or because relationships feel risky and hard. But science confirms that consistent, meaningful connection with others has a powerful impact on our well-being. We are meant to live known and loved. But so many are hiding behind emotional walls that we’re experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. It blew my mind to hear them say, “I loved this book so much. It taught me so much about friendship.” And to also hear them say, “I related so deeply, you articulated things I think about all the time.” Because in writing this book, I operated from a place of, “What if I am the only one who struggles with this?” Sometimes you genuinely need to recharge and reschedule, which I fully encourage, but other times I need to remind myself to actually keep plans and take a chance that this might be exactly what I needed, even if solitude seems safer. And then I come home feeling so happy that I took the risk and left my cocoon for a bit.