The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control

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To restore yourself fully you will eventually need some passive relaxation, too – but that doesn’t have to be sunbathing with your eyes closed or taking a nap. Reading something simple, watching light movies, or taking your time eating a meal can all work as passive relaxation for the perfectionist. Conclusion So how do you adapt to perfectionism? To start, you must replace self-punishment with self-compassion. I'm in a different mental space now than I was when I read this the first time, but my overall rating remains the same. Perhaps most importantly, you learn that you don’t earn your way to joy. You stop making excellent plans to be happy later. You give yourself free access to goodness now, in the way of joy, pleasure, and your own care and attention, instead of waiting to see how well you perform to calculate how much goodness you deserve. Joy, love, dignity, connection, and freedom, these are birthrights, not prizes to be won through achievement sprees; you deserve them now, this very second, not because you’re performing well, but because you are alive. The word “perfect” comes from the Latin “perficere,” per (completely) and ficere (do). Something considered perfect is that which is completely done; it exists in a state of completion, wholeness, perfection. When we describe something as perfect, what we’re saying is that there’s nothing we would add to it to make it better. Nothing more is needed because you can’t add to something that’s already whole.

This book is a good starting point for a discussion about perfectionism and some societal issues surrounding women's mental health. Plus, the beginning half of the book is excellent. I recommend a read-through for anyone who has ever been called a perfectionist (because, let's be honest, a lot of perfectionists don't consider themselves to be). There are so many quotes that I wish I had the audacity to highlight (me? Mark up a book? Unheard of.). as a parisian messy/procrastinator perfectionist, this book was extremely helpful to me. i have often thought myself a "perfectionist" in some parts of my life, but not always in the classic sense. (i believe i'm a procrastinator toward jobs in general, messy in most other things, and parisian when it comes to the most important things) You write in your book, “Women receive an eternal fountain of directives every day about how to be less. How to weigh less, how to want less, how to be less emotional, how to say yes less, how to be less of a perfectionist…it’s time to get more of what you want by being more of who you are.” Wow. The messy perfectionist loves the thrill of starting, but is bored by the grind it takes to finish, and can wind up surrounded by messy piles of discarded projects, careers, and relationships. The adaptive messy is a champion brainstormer who can turn dreams into reality with enthusiasm and optimism. The maladaptive Messy is scattered and doesn’t follow through on any tasks or promises.

Which of the five types of perfectionist are you? Classic, intense, Parisian, messy, or procrastinator? As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing it, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism.Yes, enjoy! The pros of the classic perfectionist are that they're highly reliable and they add structure to any environment they enter. The cons are that they can sometimes be not spontaneous and not as collaborative" with others, she adds. Also, the systematic way of operating that classic perfectionists default to doesn't encourage a spirit of collaboration, flexibility, or openness to external influence-qualities that help us build connections. The risk of this interpersonal style is that it can unintentionally generate relationships that veer towards the superficial and transactional. In turn, classic perfectionists can be left feeling excluded, misunderstood, and underappreciated for all that they do.

There are many forms of self-punishment, like denying yourself simpl I love a book that starts by normalizing the reader's current experience. We don't need to be fixed, we just need a gentle guide to show us how to work with our unique personalities. This book would be my first recommendation to anyone struggling with perfectionism." One moment I was riding the rapids, then the next it was as if something yanked me by the stomach into the still, quiet, and unseen place behind the waterfall. I was looking at what I'd always been looking at (perfectionism) but from a different vantage point. Why was I in a different position? Because in a misguided effort to be more balanced and healthy, I was resisting my own perfectionism. Combining vivid storytelling, rigorous research, and deep analysis, Morgan Schafler provides a practical guide that can help you learn, thrive, and flourish." Perfectionism is the invisible language your mind thinks in, the type of perfectionism that shows up in your everyday life based on your personality is just the accent.Picture the typical perfectionist. Most see someone who needs everything to be perfect all the time, and who gets upset when it isn’t. Most see perfectionism as a problem.