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Looking for more laughs? We have lots of holiday-specific jokes, too, including Christmas jokes, New Year's jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, Halloween jokes, Easter jokes, Father's Day jokes and Valentine's Day jokes — even jokes for Pi Day on March 14!
My daughter just shrieked at me, “Daaaaaad, you haven’t listened to a word I’ve said, have you?” What an odd way to begin a conversation. My landlord told me we need to talk about the heating bill. "Sure," I said. "My door is always open." I can always tell when my wife is lying just by looking at her. I can also tell when she’s standing.
Dad Creates Educational Pancakes For His Kids
My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn't working.” I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door and it’s working fine! If you’ve ever had a father (or currently are one), you don’t need me to explain a Dad Joke. To paraphrase US Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart when expounding on how to identify pornography in 1964, you’ll know it when you see it.
What’s your name, son?” The principal asked his student. The kid replied, “D-d-d-dav-dav-david, sir.” “Do you have a stutter?” the principal asked. The student answered, “No sir, my dad has a stutter but the guy who registered my name was a real jerk.”My dad died because he couldn’t remember his blood type. He kept insisting we “be positive,” but it’s just so hard without him. The difference between a numerator and a denominator is a short line. Only a fraction of people will understand this If you donate a kidney, everybody loves you and you’re a total hero. But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get called. My friend said that if he went off a cliff, it would be on his own accord. It’s a good thing he drives a Civic. I heard Sony’s coming out with a new console during the pandemic...It’s called the Plaguestation 5.
I was excited to hear Apple might start selling its own cars until I learned they wouldn’t support windows. In 2017 I didn't do a marathon. I didn't do one in 2018, 2019, or 2020, either. This is a running joke. Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you. That’s the punch line.
The best gifts for dad for Christmas 2022 are:
What did one monocle say to the other monocle? Let's get together and make a spectacle of ourselves.
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