Gary Bushell On The Box

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Random Irritations: ITV stripping repeats. BAFTA’s political agenda. People opening up about their feelings on TV – we’re becoming a nation of cry-babies. RICHARD Branson’s first time in space lasted four whole minutes. Good going for a Virgin... Branson in zero gravity was something else The Simpsons predicted along with President Trump and Ebola. Expect the next series to foresee Real Marigold Does Naked Attraction, the Go Compare guy as House Of Commons Speaker and Meghan & Harry – the sex-tape. ITV found a (baffling) winning formula with The Masked Singer and now they’re flogging it to death. Separated at birth: Tom Allen and Lex Luthor? One an unstoppable bearded nuisance who causes problems for Supergirl (Emma Willis)... the other’s a Yank.

Garry Bushell Garry Bushell

British humour once spanned everything from mainstream masterpieces to eccentric genius. Now it’s lame, tame and terrified of causing spurious “offence”.ALIENS in the Home Counties! Strewth. Most shire folk aren’t even keen on people from the next village. What was going through your mind?” asked the interviewer. “A 7.62 high velocity bullet,” he replied.

Bushell Garry Bushell

At least Snoochie Shy (no idea) put some effort in. Naughty Boy lost two tasks and wanted to quit. “I tried my best,” he told his team. Yeah, and Arlene’s had no Botox. ISN’T life grim enough without knowing that wherever we go on a UK holiday we’re likely to trip over clueless celebrities? The West Country currently has more camera crews than pasties. In this fantasy world, only women wield magic. Wisdoms can “hear” messages from the wind – so best keep ’em away from Miriam Margolyes. And witches (the Aes Sedai) protect the world. HOW much did C4 bung Kathy Burke to eff and blind and state the bleedin’ obvious on Money Talks? Odds on her talk doesn’t come as cheap as it sounded.Aside from AJ’s costumes – which are hotter than a Luton airport carpark – the show makes Keir Starmer’s conference speech seem almost entertaining.

Oh no, we gasped, a kid we don’t recognise has put too much salt on a steak we can’t eat. The agony! The tension, the... hang on, what’s on Netflix? In contrast, Channel 5’s latest pot-boiler The Ex-Wife just took liberties with little things. Like credibility, characters, dialogue and geography. The big blow was losing Richard Madeley, who’d already gone head-first down a chute and survived an evil bombardment of fish guts and offal without whimpering. JESSE Armstrong’s brilliantly savage drama Succession revolves around Logan Roy, the self-made founder of global media company Waystar Royco, and his fiercely competitive/hateful kids.TV comedy barely exists. Jennifer Saunders is right – AbFab wouldn’t get made now. None of the great sitcoms would either. A sedate afternoon quiz is no place for Anne’s savage wit. She’d be more fun doing a red button commentary on Love Island. Imagine that! As sharp as Sharon’s chin...