Gary Bushell On The Box

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greatest TV documentaries: The Blue Planet. They Shall Not Grow Old. The Civil War. The World At War. My Octopus Teacher. Chernobyl. Once Upon A Time In Iraq. They spoke of kill-or-be-killed encounters, of bayoneting the enemy at close quarters, and of the stench of trenches caped in crap, guts and blood.

Bushell Garry Bushell

He’s swapped opening gags for lazy chitchat, which is no substitute. And as his Friends special proved, he’s no interviewer. Any further up their arses and he’d have needed a snorkel. Turkey of the Year: The Wheel. This slow and suspect quiz averages a miserable eleven questions an hour. Even McIntyre couldn’t turn it into TV gold.RANDOM Irritations: Tom Allen’s new show ripping off Mark Steel’s In Town. New Year’s Eve TV – as lazy and turgid as Xmas telly. Alex Jones. Scandi noir – enough already. Top Comedy: Curb Your Enthusiasm. Top comedy drama: Urban Myths: Les Dawson’s Parisienne Adventure. ON Universe we learnt how stars, once so hot and bright, become dark, cold and hard to see with the naked eye. Astronomers call this the Bobby Davro effect. FRIENDS: The Reunion was never going to be as funny as the show – they’re actors not comedians; they need scriptwriters to sparkle. This was a fix of pure, sugary nostalgia. ANYONE else worried about the Frasier revival? Why mess with perfection? You have to know when to end. Only Fools should have finished in 1996. We’d shared Del-Boy’s millionaire dream for 15 years. It was gutting when John Sullivan made him skint again in 2001. Then The Green Green Grass rubbed salt in the wound.

Garry Bushell Garry Bushell

Interviewer James Corden made Des O’Connor seem like Paxman. Could he BE any frothier? But at least he didn’t sing. Rumours that he’d turned up in Monica’s old fat-suit seem unnecessary. Random irritations: Sitting On A Fortune – too slow, too dull, too derivative. Emma Thompson expounding her eco-beliefs while jetting around on showbiz jollies. A sedate afternoon quiz is no place for Anne’s savage wit. She’d be more fun doing a red button commentary on Love Island. Imagine that! As sharp as Sharon’s chin... Exotic was a self-made showman with two husbands and a burning hatred of his business rival Carole Baskin, who he accused of feeding her first husband, Don, to her tigers. Do me a favour! Maura was fun. Chloe’s personality is as irritating as her voice – the verbal equivalent of an ingrowing toenail. Maura was stunning. Chloe is... nothing special.Yet the defining qualities of great science fiction are simple stories well told with smart twists and characters viewers can invest in. This was just an over-complicated mess. LOKI has “a female variant”. What next, The Hulk in high heels and an off-the-shoulder Sally Lapointe? Dr Strange could soon get a whole lot stranger... THE Queen Vic is the only pub in London that’s still open. It must be in Tier Free. If the soap producers can swerve Covid in the name of escapism, any chance of them cutting down on murderers and misery? Half-Italian Luca was the early favourite – Paige was all “giggly and giddy” over him. But he was upstaged by full-Italian gym-Adonis Davide, sent in to split up the couples. Separated at birth: Sam Vimes and Jamie Vardy? One the hard-drinking leader of a bunch of misfits and underdogs. The other is in The Watch...

Time is bleak and authentic, with political points that hit home. People like self-harmer Bernard should be in asylums, not prisons. What happened to them? Dex doesn’t take a souvenir blood slide though. “I may be a monster but I’m an evolving monster,” he says. Elvira’s on pole,” he said of one contestant. Nice. Do we press the red button to see that? Or just bring a money bag of our own?

ROT on TV: The Masked Dancer – foxtrot Oscar... Amanda Holden on Eurovision, and the outcome – as predictable as a Prince Harry whinge... The Nevers – whatevers. Most unwelcome imagine: Iris, 80, on This Morning talking about her first night with her 35-year-old fella: “We used an entire tube of KY Jelly. I couldn’t walk the next day; saddle sore wasn’t the beginning of it.” Random Irritations: VAR, VAR and more VAR. People who can’t time the button press on Tipping Point. “Real Housewives” who’ve never come close to housework. HOW much did C4 bung Kathy Burke to eff and blind and state the bleedin’ obvious on Money Talks? Odds on her talk doesn’t come as cheap as it sounded. JUST 22per cent of a Greggs sausage roll is protein, according to C5 doc Inside Greggs, but it’s still ten times meatier than Yesterday, Today & The Day Before.