Do Hard Things: Why We Get Resilience Wrong and the Surprising Science of Real Toughness

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Individuals with exceptional levels of drive have all found an intrinsic motivation to keep pursuing their aims. It’s that sense of unchanging purpose – a purpose connected to spirituality, intellect, community, or mission – that allows them to dig deep.

This tactic works just as well for emotional pain. From frustrating arguments with your partner to road rage, the more space you can create between stimulus and response, the more calmly and productively you’ll be able to work through issues and triggers. In the popular imagination, being tough means projecting confidence, pushing through pain without complaint, and ignoring soppy emotions. Compounding our confusion, we’ve resorted to tying toughness to masculinity and an ethos of machismo. The mentality to never show weakness, grind it out, play through the pain. Our vocabulary is telling. We tell our sons and daughters to “man up” or, in much cruder terms that are heard on playing fields across the country, “stop being a pussy.” Real toughness is experiencing discomfort or distress, leaning in, paying attention and creating space to take thoughtful actionWhether on the cliff or in the office, Hans has been creating "hard" challenges for himself all his life believing that by doing so he increases his ability to respond with strength, agility and skill when life throws the inevitable surprise challenges in his path. Steve Magness is a world-renowned expert on performance, coauthor of Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success and The Passion Paradox: A Guide to Going All In, Finding Success, and Discovering the Benefits of an Unbalanced Life, and the author of The Science of Running: How to Find Your Limit and Train to Maximize Your Performance. Collectively his books have sold more than a quarter-million copies in print, ebook, and audio formats. This challenging book by nineteen year old twins is, in their own words, "a teenage rebellion against low expectations." What a great mission statement! Part I gives you the context of their own journey to great things, including an excellent definition of what they mean by 'hard things', how the teen years have been valued through history, and the reality of teen potential. Probably the most important reason why you should choose to do the hard things in life is that it will make you happier. You will feel as though you’ve accomplished something, tried your hardest, put in the effort needed, and have made a difference in society. It will also build your self confidence in knowing that when the going gets rough, you’ll be equipped to handle whatever comes your way. If you are looking for inspiration on how to get more honest with yourself than ever thought possible... readthisbook.”

As I said, it has a good premise. Who doesn't think that teenagers need to work harder and have more expectations of themselves. I'll be the first to admit that most of the time, I don't really expect anything of my kids other than they just exist. But, these guys were just over-the-top and so full of themselves and their accomplishments. Some of the descriptions just went on and on. If I had been reading the book at least I could have skipped ahead and not gotten so impatient with all of their superior explanations. As part of an experiment by the University of Wisconsin, two groups of people were subjected to a hot probe placed on the sensitive skin below the wrist. It sounds sadistic, but it was all in the name of science. See, the experiment was designed to measure how we experience pain. And while one group was selected at random, the other group consisted of elite-level meditators. Both groups gave the same rating to the intensity of the pain. But the meditators rated the experience as about three times less unpleasant than the non-meditators. VI. this book resonates with my soul and it's like LET ME TELL YOU A SECRET MY FRIEND YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE THE ONE MEANT FOR GREATER THINGS. and like hey yes I agree. aren't we all?A growing movement of young people is rebelling against the low expectations of today's culture by choosing to "do hard things" for the glory of God. And Alex and Brett Harris are leading the charge. Despite the title sounding somewhat like it would be talking mostly about grit, it is more of a broad-based look, that focuses on self-betterment and performance; across all endeavours. We celebrate stories of coaches and leaders who practice the ‘weed-out’ school of toughness, but research shows that is precisely the wrong way to cultivate fortitude. It is past time to bring the stories in line with the science, and that's what Steve Magness does in Do Hard Things."

Taking the easy way out allows you to flow through life unnoticed and unfulfilled. Allowing yourself to do the harder things in life will help you become a better person. Extending a helping hand to those who have hurt you is doing the hard thing, but you will feel better about it, and you are definitely the better person for doing so. 3. You Will Stand Out So what’s the caveat? You should listen to your inner voices. Don’t ignore the negative or destructive voices in your head. That will only make them louder. But don’t just stop there. Listen to the voices that are giving you good advice and authentic support. They’re there if you let yourself hear them. Once you’re tuned into your voices and are listening to what they’re saying – instead of ignoring them in an attempt to feel tough – it’s easy to make sure the right voice is talking at the right time. Learn to respond instead of simply reacting. From beloved performance expert, executive coach, and coauthor of Peak Performance Steve Magness comes a radical rethinking of how we perceive toughness and what it means to achieve our high ambitions in the face of hard things. The Principles of Toughness: The key attributes to apply to your business, athletic, and home life to develop resilience.Steven was parched and desperate. When he tuned into his inner monologue, he heard one voice tempting him to drink more water. He knew that he wouldn’t survive if he caved to the voice that just wanted a drink. But he also knew that ignoring it would only make it grow louder. So he assigned roles to different aspects of his inner voice. The desperate crew member expressed and vented his frustration – but the stoic captain, representing Steven’s more rational voice, won out. As I’ve said, we often procrastinate when something is hard because we want to avoid pain. In a way, procrastination is a defense mechanism. But what if what we think is hard isn’t actually hard?! What if our brains are just assuming something is hard because it doesn’t want to risk the pain?!