My Nanna

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They called you ugly, stupid, dumb as a child? Tell them they are horrible parents who aren’t worth shit and don’t have a clue on how to raise a child. Insert stupid idiot in there if you want. By all means set terms. Let them have the kids for limited periods or only in your presence. Allow letters and birthday cards. You have an obligation to protect your kids from any harm that comes their way, even from someone who’s supposed to love and care for them. So, let’s be clear, any parent who displays narcissistic behavior, plays favorites, undermines parental authority, encourages grandchildren to lie to their parent(s) and more of the like IS TOXIC!! You grandparents getting on here claiming this is nonsense don’t have the slightest idea or you’re one of the aforementioned types!

my. Nanna - Sue Ryder Online Bereavement Community Losing my. Nanna - Sue Ryder Online Bereavement Community

Grooming” is when an adult builds an emotional connection with a child with selfish or nefarious intentions. They win because they’re able to freely spread lies about you to the family and people in your home town. Don’t be scared of them, face your fears, give them the same verbal abuse, psychological abuse, as they gave you. Don’t give them the same physical abuse they give you though, I don’t want to see you arrested.They’re critical, judgmental, and manipulative people. And in their mind, when they’re criticizing someone, they’re “helping” them become better. Grandparents and all individuals with children can bring joy and delight to a child’s life.How about listing the positive effects too. Dear Son, there’s just one piece left of your fav dish, please eat it all, we already had some yesterday : you’ll love it, it’s delicious! And Jen will have some canned food while watching you enjoying your meal”… After I cut her off, she litteraly went door to door in my social circle to tell them what an ungratefull child I was, after she had done so much for me. However, last year, I found out she was pregnant, and in February of 2022, she gave birth to a little girl, whom my mother, her grandmother was present for the birth. She has continued to have a relationship with my parents, her grandparents, even though she has admitted (prior to our estrangement) that they did indeed treat me abusively, scapegoat me, and make her the golden child and my son the scapegoat, much like myself.

My Nana - Etsy UK All About My Nana - Etsy UK

But we’re not talking about regular folks here. We’re talking about toxic people, not grandma who occasionally sneaks your child a cookie. Except adults have defenses to deal with toxic people; kids don’t. Their psyches are fragile and impressionable. I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it. But I have always thought that my mom just wanted to protect my wellbeing, that she was worried about me or my health (I had serious health problems when my daughter was smaller) and that was the reason for her behaviour. But now I understand that she wants to keep me to herself, she wants to be more important to me than my daughter. The first action of a parent in this instance is to tell the grand parent to ‘STOP IT’ and explain the harm they are causing. If they refuse to stop, cut ties until they come to their senses (this might be an indefinite period). Make sure you keep a record of all the instances of their harassing behavior too. The most important thing is whats in the best interest of the children. Remember that.As a culture, we place importance on having an extended family, and grandparents are a big part of that. So they are often perceived as harmless old folks who love to spoil their grandkids. I agree with your current partner. Your mother is exhibiting narcissistic behavior. It sounds like you’ve had a very close (i.e. enmeshed, codependent) relationship with your mom and grew up idolizing her. Your mom’s always been #1 in your life. But when you have a child, your child becomes #1, and it’s normal. Your mom has trouble accepting that. She sees your daughter (her own granddaughter!) as competition for your attention, another contender for her “narcissistic supply” (you), that used to belong to her entirely. So she tries to “eliminate” her by badmouthing her to you. Maybe it is better to protect my daughter from my mom’s narcissistic behaviour and not take her for visits at all. It can also upset your kids. Children are typically attached to their grandparents despite their personal qualities. Wow! Completely rude and way off point! Sounds like you are a child that blames everything on your parents! As an adult you need to take responsibility for your own actions. Your giving really bad advice and being extreme

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Many grandparents find joy in buying gifts for the grandchild, cooking them delicious meals, treating them to an extra cookie, letting them stay up past bedtime…That’s why children tend to adore their grandparents. It won’t be easy. Cutting ties with your parent (or your partner’s parent) can dismantle the whole family unit and turn people against you. Want to know more about toxic grandparents? I’ve written an eBook on the subject. It describes 5 types of challenging grandparents— Controlling, Narcissistic, Angry, Indifferent, and Inappropriate — and how to deal with each type.

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To all the Grandparents saying how dreadful this article is… I do not believe that any sane parent would refuse the help , kindness, love, attention of a genuine loving grandparent.